Letting Go of Me (An Open Letter To Myself)

This letter was prompted by Paige Hook's (@ascendingphoenix) Tiktok message during her live last 29 November 2023.

What does it mean to heal your ego? Tell me about your fears, your insecurities, your pains, your guilt and shame.

Know that you can overcome all these. Know that those parts of life are what made you, who you are now.

Do not fear to let go of all these wounds, you have battle scars to prove it and witnesses to confirm it.

Do not hold on to your past achievements, it is what it is. You were great, but you know you have to take action to do more. You are limitless but you have to take a step forward to shine your light. Do not be afraid to fail or be rejected, not everything you do should be perfect. You just have to do. Do not procrastinate in the guise of planning and organizing , you are just stalling.

You know you have many ideas but you pursue none. You get scared that it will not be perfect. You get scared if it will fail. You get scared that people will judge you for what you are doing or for what you have become.

But I tell you, you are more than the story of your past. You are more than what your imagination can think of, only if you believe , not just through words, but believing enough to take action.

You have done this before. You were happy. Doing things that made your heart dance. Confident in your decisions. Proud of who you are and what you are, not minding what other people think as long as you have not done anybody wrong.

What made you hide that part of yourself? You wanted companionship but not love. You chose to settle down because you were afraid that no one will accept you anymore. But you are more than that, the right person or the right people will come and they are meant to be with you in your journey.

You thought that love can be taught. You tried, Oh I know you tried hard.

You got hurt when you knew about the infidelity. Your pride was hurt, your ego was bruised, because deep inside you knew you were putting in the work by compromising who you were to be someone who you were not.

You allowed things to happen because you don't want to be pitied on or you don't want to disappoint people any further.

You were selfish. You made it all about you.

Ask for forgiveness. To him. From him. To everyone who did you wrong and made you question your worth. You were part of the ugly scenario, you were miserable because you were so consumed with self-pity but you didn't called out for help. You were trying to prove your strength by your fake nonchalance while you were so broken inside that you were just waiting for your time (and have even wished) to cross the other side.

Have you ever really loved? Loved someone because of their soul? Loved someone because of this inexplicable connection you cannot fathom? Love someone that is not based on attraction or satisfaction... a love where the connection fuels the passion?

What is it that you really want? What is it that you need and what is it that you desire and why? What will make your heart sing? What will make you smile and happy once again?

And once you know what are those that you need and desire, I pray that you have already met yourself once again. The self that does not depend her happiness on other people, the self that does not care about being different or being told that she's different, because she accepts herself and she knows her value, and the self that only acknowledges God the Father as the author of life and all that is.